She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
