You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
