whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
my poor anus
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
