my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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