My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Randomize
