his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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