Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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