remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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