You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
