I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
