So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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