She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
