It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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