Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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