yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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