dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
