Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
porn star boner night. come get it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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