I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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