um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
