just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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