I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
foreskin is a definite game changer
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
