I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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