I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
