apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
