My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
