Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
