is your mom at the bar?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
