The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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