he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
