first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
