blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
