how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
please come you make the beer taste better
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
