if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
