From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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