apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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