I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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