I hate your face
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
