We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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