so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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