I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
