you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
