I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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