guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
