During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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