well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
