She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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