The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
