Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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