there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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