U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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