Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
