Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
