If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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