At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
