Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
