So drunk its hurt
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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