why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The uberlube is also flammable
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
