the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
