bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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