You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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