We got so high we made milksteak
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
