you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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