wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
