Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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