summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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