in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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