my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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