Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize