I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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