South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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