im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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