you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
