then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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